Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Corrie Greathouse

UNTITLED

The wind blows, she watches you move. You think
you hear her say something, You ask her, What?
Nothing, she says. You ask why she says that.
She asks what you would like her to say.
Laughs, like song heard nine seasons ago, you say.
Was it a love song? she wants to know.
No, you tell her, it wasn’t a love song.
What other songs are there? Reply, you don’t know.
She laughs again. You hum along, ask her name.

15 comments:

  1. thats really beautiful. really captures the awkward conversations built around elusive words that we may or may not have heard

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  2. nice! best of the bunch.

    though i would contend that there are songs other than love songs. i played one in my 8th grade talent show. http://bit.ly/k12xh

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  3. Really nicely done, this doesn't feel like it has the imposition of "9" around it. The person above is correct, it captures awkward but it also goes further, the conversation is unintentionally intimate. There is hiding and a chase and acceptance. Beautiful work.

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  4. you've so effectively conveyed the superbly seductive intimacy of a trifle... an utterance, literally this time, of nothing that says everything

    lovely, as always

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  5. you made me think of nine seasons ago and a windy day next to a lake in Santa Barbara county...The wind blows indeed and that day it was surrounding...that day it was love... oh well....ahhhh great poem.

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  6. I like this a lot, but I'm not sure why. It makes me uncomfortable, yet gives me comfort. I like it.

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  7. Nine shades of wonderful. What other songs are there, indeed.

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  8. Ethereal and so transient like the wind. And love.

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  9. Ethereal and awkward are great descriptions. Love this piece.

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  10. Love it. Back and forth - quite the exchange. We all want love.

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  11. Sublime really. The ending..."You hum along, ask her name," implies so much in so few words.

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  12. The best thing about this poem is the understated love theme. However, for me it's a bit too understated. Not that it needs to be more gushy or florid, but it needs some juicing up to move the reader, in my opinion.

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  13. Your poem reminded me of that scene from "Being Jon Malcovich" Where he enters his own mind and sees the world only as himself. We project ourselves on to other people. Most of the time without even knowing it. Our own hopes, our own fears we don't see the person in front of us. Especially the fears, concerns about money. 9 is right before the next 0.

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